Tuesday February 23, 2010
I had a lot of expectations of myself when I was a child. But then again, don't we all. We believe what the world tells us when they say that anything is possible. We believe that we will be the president, the movie star, the doctor, because we are told that they are all attainable. We are completely unaware of how hard these things are, the amount of school we need to go through, the people we need to network with, the costs of classes, ballet school, acting coaches, degrees, and everything we must overcome to reach those dreams. That is when we start to lsoe sight of those dreams, because we realize how much work, how much effort is going to be needed by us. And poof, our childhood goals have just become mere dreams that we used to have.
I had a couple of dreams as a child. A mountain of dreams. I changed my mind as often as I changed my favorite color. Which was a lot. My main childhood dream was to be an actress. I loved the fact that you could act for a living and have people fawning over you and following you around. Something about being lazy and just smiling appealed to me. Then there was to be an astronaut. I loved the spacesuit, and be able to float with the stars and planets. Then there was a time period where I wanted to be an inventor, complete with a set of tools, goggles, and lab coat. These were my dreams. In each of those dreams, I made lots and lots of money, with little or no effort.
So what happened? I realized that getting lots of money, with no effort, is not possible, unless your the daughter of parents who worked really really hard and decided to take it easy on you. Which I don't believe in of course. But I soon learned that to achieve those goals, would cost me a lot of work. Work that as I grew old Barnes er, looked harder, and harder. So through high school, I wasn't a trouble maker, but I could care less about having to work hard. So instead of spending those 9AM to 4PM days at school, I spent them at & Noble, reading books, and using my lunch money to buy Chai Tea Lattes. Occasionally, whoever was my boyfriend at the time, would pick me up and we would go hang out for the day, but I loved being by myself most of the time. Just me, my books, and my latte. I let all my dreams and goals pass me by, as I let all the hard work that was ahead of me pass me by as well.
So what now? If you've read any of my last posts, you know I'm not an actress. At least I'm not getting paid for doing that. I'm not an astronaut, or an inventor either. I let my childhood dreams go. Why? Because I had put myself in a position where they were no longer attainable. What did happen though, as I got older, I discovered the things I really liked doing. My days spent where I should of been learning academically, where spent learning about literature, writing, and getting closer to authors. My forgotten childhood dreams died, but as I discovered my talents, I let new dreams form.
As I write more and more about living the life I want to live, dreaming about where I want my future to go, I can't help but look back at the dreams I use to once have, the dreams that my child already has (being a princess) and I think to myself, that she can be whatever she wants to be. We all had childhood dreams, but the reality is, those dreams change as we grow older, and discovering more about yourself, you may realize how much bigger your new dreams really are.
What did you dream about as a child? What has changed?